tag:stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk,2009-11-08:/A joyous romp through the wonders of the NHS Ambulance Service seen through the eyes of a slightly jaded call taker - it's kinda like Noam Chomsky with nob jokes.MokoFeed2009-11-08T04:55:36+01:00tag:stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk,2007-01-03:/2007/01/03/new_years_resolutions~1508189/OrconMonkey2007-01-03T08:01:41+01:002007-01-03T09:49:36+01:00 <p>Have ya made one ? </p> <p>I have, its to rag on Hoax Callers even more </p> <p>oh and cut down on the booze, cigarettes & smack. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk/2007/01/03/new_years_resolutions~1508189/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk,2007-01-03:/2007/01/03/twas_the_night_before_christmas~1508165/OrconMonkey2007-01-03T07:44:57+01:002007-01-03T07:44:57+01:00 <p>A cautionary tale of joy and happyness in Scumtown.</p> <p>Its 3am on a quiet Xmas night shift</p> <p>JoeBlow decides that his backpain of 3 years must be cured within the next 10 minutes or else</p> <p>Ambo attends, and due to the fact that the ambo ain't carrying that magic pill to fix his back he tells the crew to go away ( ok it wasn't 'go away' but saying f*ck off on a blog is probably considered rude) & kicks the ambo (remember this is the bloke with a bad back)</p> <p>So he calls back</p> <p>999: As we won't be re-attending without the police how bout we organise a Doctor to call you & possibly visit you, it would be more appropriate as you've had this pain for 1095 days (anyone who knows the out of hours Dr's service will know the chances of a visit are slim but . . . )</p> <p>JB: Ok, but he better call soon</p> <p>30secs later</p> <p>JB: He hasn't called back </p> <p>Multiple calls back from Mr Blow approx every 5 mins to tell us he hasn't called yet</p> <p>I won't even go into the unconcious female that suddenly appeared 5 doors down from him, so he says (he claimed he was in her house, but Caller ID confirmed he was calling from his own !!) or the fact that he invited us down to fight with him </p> <p>JB: You know i've got a gun here, don't ya </p> <p>999:Okay, think the next visitors ya gonna see are a couple of fellas carrying HK MP5's </p> <p>JB: Why ??????</p> <p>999:Err cos you said you've got a gun</p> <p>Cue one night in the cells.</p> <p>I'm sure theres a morale here, but the only one i can think of is 'stop being a cock' </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk/2007/01/03/twas_the_night_before_christmas~1508165/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk,2007-01-01:/2007/01/01/title~1499965/OrconMonkey2007-01-01T02:41:24+01:002007-01-03T08:08:59+01:00 <p>Welcome</p> <p>So whats this Blog all about then ??</p> <p>Bout 6 years ago, i joined the Ambulance Service as a 999 Call Taker, and in that time i've had the joys of watching the NHS workings in close detail.</p> <p>Hopefully i can explain . . . . . . </p> <p>Why getting to a pt in cardiac arrest in 8 mins 4secs & getting them back( ie surviving ) is considered by management as a failure</p> <p>How to 'cough' <del>manipulate massage alter change manage mold ply shape manufacture engineer exploit finagle influence deceive concoct construct cook up create engineer fabricate fashion forge formulate improvise rig </del>throw together your figures you send to Dept. of Health</p> <p>Why on Xmas Day, Santa fights Satan (sometimes known as Baby Jesus vs. Grim Reaper )</p> <p>But your probably more interested why i'm sat here blogging on New Years Eve aren't you, well the biggest irony is, this is the 1st time in 6 years i'm not actually working on NYE's and i'm sick (should probably call an ambo)</p> <p>And i find writing cathartic (if i knew how to spell it or what it meant)</p> <p>anyway more later</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://stopping-that-clock.blog.co.uk/2007/01/01/title~1499965/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>